Yep. In case you were wondering, that big, bad son of a bitch heaving heavy weights above his head in that photo is me. And yeah, those are two 45 pound plates on the barbell, too. Just some absolutely solid snatching technique, if I’m being totally honest. Arms fully locked out. Armpits facing forward. Right and left knees perfectly aligned with the big toes. Weight distributed perfectly among the feet. Ass parallel to the knees (it dipped below parallel, but unfortunately the person taking the picture missed that. Whoops.). Beautiful stuff across the board, am I right or am I right?

*Italian chef kiss.*


As for you haters and losers – go ahead and scoff at that picture and think to yourself, “Ha! That’s probably his PR* weight! 135 pounds ain’t shit.”

(*PR stands for “Personal Record” for you folks out there who are uneducated in the fitness lingo department.)

Buddy,,,, add another 40 pounds and now we’re talkin’. That weight’s just for practice reps. Just like my CrossFit Level 2 Coach often says (or as you common globo gym folks would refer to as a “trainer.” Lmaoooooo.), “You gotta consistently practice around 70-80% of your one rep max if you wanna get any stronger.”

Pffffftttt. You better fucking believe I’m in the business of trying to get stronger. All day, every day, in fact. I crave PRs like you probably crave fried chicken sandwiches at Chick-fil-A (I don’t eat that bullshit except for when it’s cheat day, obviously). You think I’d ever skip a leg day*? Think again.

(*Just about every day in CrossFit is leg day. In fact, the definition of CrossFit itself isn’t “constantly varied functional movements performed at high intensity” for nothing. If you fell for that, shame on you.)

Anyways, so why am I telling you about how fit I am now? After a year and a half of blogging, no less. Well, you see, I feel like I’ve been holding this bad boy in for quite a while now. Perhaps I was too afraid of losing followers on social media. Or maybe I was afraid of what all you grossly out of shape people would think of me. So you know what happened? I slipped up the other day and casually mentioned that I crush WODs* on twitter.

(*WOD stands for “Workout of the Day.” Keep up, Sparky.)

And as you can probably imagine, the responses were rather unkind. Debilitating to my self-esteem, to say the least.

After basically crying in my halibut for almost an hour at my good friend’s super expensive wedding in southern California this past Saturday, I thought to myself, ‘You know what? These people are preventing me from being who I really want to be.” So you know what I did? I picked up a copy of Gary Vaynerchuk’s latest New York Times best-selling book, “Crushing It!: How Great Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence – And How You Can, Too” and read 57 pages on the plane ride home to Pennsylvania (humble brag that I read that many pages).

The book’s fantastic so far, if I may say so. You see, Gary’s an ultra successful entrepreneur who enjoys sharing his wealth of knowledge on how you can be successful just like him. So naturally, being the blogger I am (bloggers are basically entrepreneurs, FYI), I needed to get my hands on a copy. Did I mention I’ve already read 57 pages? Anyways, one of Gary’s biggest talking points when it comes to entrepreneurs garnering a loyal audience of ravenous content consumers is you need be as authentic as humanly possible. When I read that, I almost immediately jumped out my plane seat and knocked out 50 burpees in the aisle for time (while having someone film it, of course). But I wasn’t in the mood to get all sweaty so I decided it might not be the best idea. Besides, I didn’t want to have to take my shirt off to cool down and emasculate the poor 30-something year old man sitting next to me. Not my style. But it got me thinking. I needed to let the world know I do CrossFit. And what better way to do that than writing nearly 800 words in a blog?

So there you have it. I do CrossFit, and I’m proud as fuck that I do CrossFit. Perhaps we can revisit this topic many more times in the future just to remind you that I do CrossFit. Does that sound good to you? It sure does to me.

In the meantime, here’s the WOD I crushed last night:

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And you’re goddamn right I did that shit Rx’d*. 50 pound dumbbells on the farmers carries, too.

(*Rx’d stands for “Prescribed” – aka doing the workout exactly how it reads on the whiteboard.)

WOD time: 9:02.