If I’m being completely honest, October has become my favorite month of the entire year. When I was younger, December had its reign on me. But not anymore, folks. Don’t get me wrong, my parents still shower my spoiled ass with gifts every year like I’m a fucking 12-year old. But for whatever reason, the nostalgia of Christmas has lost some of its luster for me. Nowadays, October’s my shit. Why? Well, for starters, the temperatures begin to cool down, which means I don’t have to walk around with perpetual swampass every single day. You see, when you sweat a fuckton like I do, just about anything under 70 degrees is ideal. October happens to be that magical time when temperatures begin to fall under 70 degree in the northeast.

Another reason I love October? All four major professional sports are in full swing. I guess if you don’t like sports (*cough* nerd), this doesn’t excite you very much. As for the rest of us, October’s the mecca of sports months. On just about any given night, you have your choice between watching football, baseball, basketball, or hockey. So many choices!

And best of all, October has the greatest holiday of the year: good old Halloween. Let me tell you something. I love myself some Halloween. Who doesn’t? The haters, I suppose. You can watch horror movies, go to haunted houses, take your girlfriend out for a nice date to a pumpkin patch and hopefully get laid afterwards. It’s great! And best of all, you can even dress up like a complete asshole for a day and other people will find this completely normal.

I’ll tell you what’s not so great, though. Paying hundreds to thousands of dollars to go to Game 6 of the World Series while wearing a fake baseball overtop one of your eyeballs the entire game. For all my contact wearers out there, have you ever lost one of your contacts and went about your day for a few hours with good vision out of only one of your eyes? It’s the absolute WORST. Everything’s dicked up and you can’t see shit (even though one of your eyeballs is still functioning properly!). Now, imagine purposefully doing this to yourself and going to quite possibly the biggest baseball game of your life. Talk about pissing money down the drain all in the name of looking like a gigantic asshole in hopes of getting on national TV. Not ideal, my friends. Not ideal at all.


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