So in case you missed it, I basically became a celebrity overnight. Little old Peep made his big debut on national TV this past Tuesday night. Sure, it only took until the 59 1/2 minute of an hour long show before I came on, but damn it, it happened. There I was – my stupid fucking face in front of millions of eyeballs bobbing and weaving eggs like I was Neo from the Matrix or some shit. A+ quality television, if I’m being totally honest.

Now, here’s where things got a little dicey. When Matthew Berry and his team asked me to submit the video of my fantasy football punishment, I sent them the full-length version. It’s a minute and a half video of me getting egged from start to finish, as seen below:

​I definitely wasn’t expecting them to use the full video, but at the same time, some sequences were definitely better than others. Like, for instance, the part towards the tail end when I took an egg directly to the goddamn ear. I mean, who doesn’t like a good old fashioned head shot? They’re the best (even though it hurt like fucking hell, and I spent like five minutes digging shell out of my ear afterwards). You’d think they’d put that clip on TV, right?

WRONG.

Instead, they decided to use like the first five seconds of the video when my friends were throwing eggs at me like they were a bunch of Helen Keller clones.

​And you know why I didn’t stand there and take it, Matt? Well, there are two reasons: A. because they were shitty fucking throws, and B. because I took a few warm up throws before we started filming, and I realized very quickly that getting hit by raw eggs doesn’t feel very good.

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That still doesn’t mean I’m a pussy because I avoided getting hit by a few eggs. Besides, ESPN basically framed me to look like I didn’t even get hit by a single one of them. That, my friends, is what we call #FakeNews.

P.S. – Fuck you, Secret Squirrel.

P.P.S. – If anyone has a better quality video than the shitty one my sister took on her iPhone, please send it to me via twitter (@PeepsBurgh) or email (PeepsBurghBlog@gmail.com). Thanks!