So last night, here I am, catching up on the end of game one of a pivotal four-game home series for the Buccos versus the Milwaukee Brewers. Chad Kuhl’s obliterating humans (on the base path), El Coffee’s ripping the tits off of the baseball and throwing people out at home plate, and Felipe Rivero’s throwing pitches that are very NSFW.

All is well in Bucco land, and I’m live tweeting away enjoying every second of what turned out to be a huge W for the Bucs in the series opener.

You see, the Pirates REALLY need to win this series or else their hopes of making the playoffs this year are essentially out the window. Before last night, the Pirates found themselves seven games back of the 1st-place Brewers in the NL Central (which happens to be kind of shitty this year in case you haven’t been paying attention). So what better team for the Pirates to face off against than the Brewers in a long four game series? A good old fashioned “control your own destiny” scenario in July, nonetheless. And quite frankly, the recipe’s pretty simple: win it and they’re in the thick of things, OR lose it and the season’s over (and Cutch’s likely gone).

So naturally, I was pretty damn pumped up after the Buccos took the first game of the series last night. So much so, I felt compelled to update the twitterverse on how many games back of 1st-place this now makes the Pirates. But before I did so, I got caught up in the moment and thought to myself (while obviously not checking my own twitter feed), “Hey, I bet Pirates announcer Joe Block is going to do the same thing. I’m going to beat him to the chase!” 

Before I go any further, I just want to point out the fact that I have MAD RESPECT for Joe Block’s stat game on twitter. It’s very much fire flame. Here are a few examples of his work:

Straight 🔥🔥🔥, AMIRIGHT?

Going back to me, here I am thinking I got this. I’ll dish out the stats before Joe! Besides, I didn’t even need to look that shit up, either. I calculated the math like the goddamn wizard I am. And get this. I even tagged him in the tweet! You must be thinking, “The balls on you, Peep. My god.”

Nailed it! Right?

*Checks time stamp and realizes he was nine minutes slower.*


Chalk up another L for poor Peep. Just complete devastation. Thoughts and prayers are now welcome at this time. Little does Joe know, I have a livelihood.

But alas! Being the pure pro Joe is, he was kind enough to offer me words of encouragement.

R.I.P. in peace to my stat game thanks to Joe Block tha God.