So before I go balls deep into this blog, I just wanted to point out the fact that I thought of this idea before I even saw Pensburgh blog about this same topic. After all, your boy Peep was down in the trenches today snapchatting the shit out of the parade. Not all bloggers have the shear will and determination like me to get out there on the field, put on their capital J journo hat, and soak it all in for the love of the blog game (actually I happen to work downtown on Grant Street so all I really had to do was walk outside around 11:30).

Anyways, like all championship parades, there’s always a few guys that make the most of the experience. And by make the most out of the experience, I mean Darty their fucking faces off in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

Before I go a step further, here’s the definition of “Darty” (via Urban Dictionary) for all you noobs out there that aren’t fans of Barstool Sports and are wasting your lives away reading dumb shit like BuzzFeed and Elite Daily:

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In basically every Chicago Blackhawks’ parade, Patrick Kane earned the crown of Darty King.

In New England’s 37 championship parades, it’s been none other than Gronk.

And now we’ve got ourselves a new King of the Darty in our own backyard. Yesterday, Olli Maatta earned the shit out of the coveted pro athlete Darty crown during the Penguins championship parade. I can confirm (since I was down in the trenches like I mentioned before) that this guy was stumbling drunk by 12:30 pm:

(Low-key shoutout to me for getting this little snap to go viral in the 412.)

But I wasn’t the only one that captured Olli having himself a good time. Shoutout to these people as well for making Olli Maatta’s parade day one that will go down in internet history forever (and one that Olli will likely regret because of that whole social media thing):

Honorable mention goes out to Justin Schultz in these tweets:

All in all, looks like Olli (and Justin Schultz) had a pretty fun day. And what better way to transition your Darty to a Narty than with a nice afternoon “nap” outside on the balcony of your condo in 85 degree weather?

I’m betting my net worth that man had himself a nightcap.