Well, It’s over, folks. The Pittsburgh Penguins 2017 playoff run has come and gone, and unlike the other 29 teams in the NHL, the Penguins finished their year on a relatively positive note (humbly speaking). The Penguins were rewarded last night with their fifth Stanley Cup in franchise history, which also happened to be their second in 364 days (or what they refer to in the biz as back-to-back champs). And although the Penguins were the ones that had the pleasure of sipping cheap ass champagne and Coors Light (shitty choice, imho) out of Lord Stanley, the Penguins, just like the 15 other teams that punched a ticket into the 2017 postseason, began fessing up to the types of injuries some of their guys were playing through once their season had officially ended.

Before I start the list, I just wanted to point out the fact that this is yet another reminder of why the Stanley Cup playoffs are so fucking awesome. It takes a special type of human being (and by special, I mean borderline stupid) to play through some of the fucked up injuries that leak out after a playoff run ends. Every year you hear about guys that played through torn knee ligaments, separated shoulders, and broken bones. This year was no different. I’m going to rank the Penguins’ injuries (or at least the ones that have been revealed to the public) in order of most fucked up to least fucked up. I’ll also make sure to update the list as more information most likely comes out on Wednesday during the Penguins locker room cleanout day.

  1. Nick Bonino – Broken Tibia

For those of you that don’t know what the tibia is, that would be your shinbone. And as anyone that’s ever taking a shot to the shin can attest, it fucking SUCKS. Getting hit in the shin is easily one of the worst pains known to man besides probably getting hit in the balls (or giving birth, which I hear sucks as well, but I don’t happen to have a vagina). The fact that Nick Bonino played two periods on a broken shin is insane. I can’t imagine how much Toradol they shot him up with in order to give this guy the ability to walk, let alone skate, after breaking his goddamn shin. And to top it off, that crazy mofo got shot up again last night just so he could skate around with the Stanley Cup.

Also, quick fun fact to make me sound sort of tough: whenever I had ACL surgery a few years back they had to put a screw through the top of my shin. It was by far and away the worst part of the recovery process during the first couple of weeks post-surgery. So, like Nick Bonino, I too, have experienced serious shin pain in the past. I can 100% confirm I would’ve been too big of a pussy to do anything but walk around in crutches. On other hand, this is what a B.A.M.F. looks like in case you were wondering:

2. Ian Cole – Broken Hand/Broken Ribs

So I rated Cole’s injuries below Bonino’s for two very obvious reasons:

  1. Bonino’s injury was significant enough to the point where he was unable to continue playing on it.
  2. I’ve never broken my hand or ribs before so I can’t really be tough guy Peep here and give you guys any insight as to how painful it would be play through either of these injuries.

Nevertheless, this seems like a pretty solid B.A.M.F. standard if you ask me. I would imagine having broken ribs and a broken hand at the same time makes it pretty damn difficult to shoot a puck. Then again, Cole’s not really known for his offensive prowess, but goddamn did that guy give up his body all postseason long. Very underrated postseason performance this year by number 28 in black and gold if you ask me.

3. Justin Schultz – Broken Ribs?

So this leaked out after Game 7 of the Ottawa series, but still, like they say in the internet world: Big, if true. Schultz obviously got hurt in Game 2 of the Senators series when he was checked into the boards behind the net. Whether or not it was broken ribs is another story. Regardless, whatever it was forced him to sit out four games. One has to believe he was playing relatively fucked through his final seven games.

P.S. – John Shannon violated capital J journo rule #1 in the postseason: Never reveal a player’s injury until after his season is over. Everyone knows that. John Shannon is a jagoff (and quite possibly not a Penguins fan).

4. Patric Hornqvist – Broken Finger

Hornqvist missed a total of six games this postseason, and it’s not particularly clear whether or not they were all specifically due to injury. Knowing Mike Sullivan like we do now, he might’ve sat Horny out of a few those games as a healthy scratch merely as an effort to get a spark out of him. Regardless, the fact of the matter is Patric Hornqvist was last night’s hero, and that crazy motherfucker did it on a broken finger. I can’t say I’m totally surprised by this one. I’m also fairly certain a broken finger is no where close to as debilitating as a pair of broken ribs (or a goddamn broken shin!). Nevertheless, a hero’s a hero, and this guy did it with a fucked up finger.

This GIF sums up Patric Hornqvist perfectly: