In case you missed it, we Pittsburgh sports fans got placed in a giant body bag by Barstool Sports today (except for me, of course).

Screen Shot 2017-06-06 at 10.57.25 PM

One of their bloggers, Feitelberg to be specific, ripped us a new asshole, indeed. And deservedly so. All because our fucking pompous weatherman over at KDKA couldn’t control his goddman twitter fingers during the Pens game last night.

Uh, hey asshole, just because we’re good as fuck at hockey and have been for the past 11 years doesn’t mean other teams with newfound success can’t be considered “Hockey Towns,” either. As a matter of fact, I went to Game 2 of this series at the Paint Can, and I can honestly say the crowd STUNK. No vibrance. Inconsistent noise level. Barely any chants. Probably as far away from being a “Hockey Town” as a city can possibly be (on a side note, fuck the term “Hockey Town”). If you were a random fan with no affiliation with the Penguins, you’d think it was just a big regular season game. Just an absolutely awful environment for one of the single biggest games of the entire year except for a short duration in the 3rd period when the Pens decided to play like defending Stanley Cup champs and score three goals in like 32 seconds. I actually thought I was gonna go deaf in my left ear at that point, fyi. I’m all good, though, in case you cared.

Look, the kind of bashing that came today is part of the territory. Like I mentioned earlier, the Pens are really good at hockey, and other fans absolutely hate it when your team is that successful. I hate to make the comparison, but we’re basically venturing into the waters of being the New England Patriots of the NHL right now. And with that kind of territory, people are gonna monitor our every little step of the way. So naturally, when someone fucks up, we’re gonna hear about it to no end. Trust me, though, I’d much rather be in this position today than to be some asshole Philly fan that’s been trolling us over the past two months because his hockey team shit the bed this year. But at the same time, I’m glad we got lit up today. We needed it. And Jeff Verszszszscszyla needed it especially.

First off, the guy who fucks up his day job 98.7% of the time shouldn’t be the deciding factor in who can and cannot be considered a *vomit* “Hockey Town.” Especially when it’s based solely on metrics such as sellout streaks. Before Jeff decided to go on his little twitter reply rampage about our attendance records (which are pretty damn good, to be honest), he should’ve done his research on Nashville.

Not quite the mathlete here, but I’d say those percentages are pretty damn good.

Second off, as anyone that has any inkling of self-awareness can attest, when you tweet some dumb shit, you can’t double down in the process or else you’ll make yourself look like an even bigger asshole. And that’s exactly what Jeffy did. He basically took off both of his shoes and face fucked himself. Thanks to these tweets, we’re all dickbags in the Burgh today (except for me again, of course):

Thanks a lot, Jeff. Asshole.

P.S. – A cousin of mine that owns a bar in the city told me this dude comes in every once in a while. And from what I was told, he’s not very tall. Explains a lot, right?