If for some reason you blacked out last night after the 1st period from too much dartying earlier in the day, it’s safe to say you fell asleep passed out fairly confident the Capitals had this one in the bank. To be completely honest, I’m not sure if there’s ever been a 1st period as lopsided as yesterday’s where one team flat out dominated for 20 minutes, yet the other team still came out with the same number of goals (or lack thereof) at the sound of the horn.

The Capitals came out on coke, and the Penguins didn’t really have an answer for them. It was shot after shot after shot while Marc Andre Fleury danced on his head and the rest of team blocked shots. It was pretty much absurd, but for whatever ungodly reason, the Penguins survived it (minus an early exit from Patric Hornqvist after blocking a shot with his ankle).

Then, following this year’s postseason trend, a new team came out for the 2nd period. The Pens jumped ahead early when everyone’s favorite 40-year old father of 3 out-hustled Kevin Shathispants and slid one through the wickets of Braden Holtby for a shorty.

The Capitals answered right back on the power play with a LOL funny one-time slap shot from Matt Niskanen five feet away from the goal crease, but you could just feel the ice tilting in the Penguins’ direction. Before you knew it, the best player in the world started doing his thing and the Pens found themselves up 3-1 after two.

After giving up 3 goals in 14 shots in two periods, Barry Trotz decided to yank Braden Holtby to give his a team a little “mojo” for the 3rd.

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But, it didn’t work, and the Penguins continued to kick the shit out of the Caps en route to a 6-2 final score.

It’s safe to say we’ve already hit panic mode in D.C., and this series hasn’t even made its way to Pittsburgh yet. Kind of anti-climatic this year if you ask me, but I’m not complaining. I’d rather not have to go to the proctologist when I’m 50 so I’d be content with a sweep here. In all reality, that’s probably not going to happen, but there’s also no way the Capitals are going to win this series now. They’re done. Finished. Dead. We’re going to dance on this team’s grave for eternity, and it really doesn’t make sense why.

A few notes here to end this blog:

  • The Penguins are still only playing like a 40-minute hockey team right now. It’s going to be absolutely frightening for opposing teams when they start putting together a full 60.
  • Crosby, Malkin, and Kessel are absurd in the playoffs:

  • Give him a few more years, and Jake Guentzel might put himself into that category, too:

  • Watching Penguins fans take over the steps of the National Portrait Gallery after they beat the Caps in D.C. will never get.

Puck drops for Game 3 tomorrow night at 7:30 at PPG Paints Arena.