Just like they say – If you can’t beat ’em, violently crosscheck them in the back of the neck shoulder and shove them to the ground while they’re hunched over in pain. That’ll show them!

The Pens are basically dominating the fuck out of the Blue Jackets right now so I guess I can see why their players might be a little frustrated. I’m not really sure if it’s acceptable to use your stick as a weapon with the intent to injure an opposing player while he’s not even paying attention, though. Seems like a classic misdemeanor attempted battery charge if you ask me (or a 1-game suspension if you’re employed by the NHL).

Decapitation attempt aside, the Blue Jackets don’t have a prayer to come back in this series now. While likely Vezina Trophy winner (LOL) Sergei Bobrovsky is getting eaten alive by the Penguins and their juggernaut offense, Marc Andre Fleury is playing like 2001 Patrick Roy. So far this series, Fleury has stopped 70 of 72 shots – good enough for a .972 save percentage. And the only pucks he’s allowed past him have come from a flukey Matt Calvert goal in Game 1 and a perfect snipe (that was deflected) by Brandon Saad in Game 2. A hot goaltender like Fleury can certainly take over a series in the NHL playoffs, but it’s not like the Penguins’ defense isn’t doing their job, either. Take a look at this heat map from yesterday’s game:

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As you can see, the Penguins’ defense isn’t allowing Columbus to get shots in the scoring areas. That’s Defense 101 when it comes to the playoffs. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the ice, the Penguins are getting all up in Bobrovsky’s kitchen.

Game 3 at PPG Paints West will be here before you even know it.