Quick background story – every Friday morning goes something like this: I wake up miserable as fuck around 6:45, I get dressed in less than 10 minutes (mainly because I’m a goddamn magician at waking up at the last possible second before I need to be up), then I make my out the door for another miserable, hour-long commute to downtown Pittsburgh. It’s basically a vicious cycle that’s taking precious years off of my life. Normally, I absolutely dread the commute Monday through Thursday. Not on Friday, though. A Friday morning commute means one thing to me: “New Music Friday” on Spotify. It’s the fucking best. I open up the Spotify app on my phone and BAM! Roughly 30 new songs ready to be listened to at the touch of a finger tip.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not some kind of crazy person that listens to each and every new song that’s on the playlist each week. What I actually do is scroll through the list of songs until I notice an artist I like (which is like 2 or 3 every given week), then I give whatever song that is a listen. For me, the hot artist(s) right now are The Chainsmokers. The Chainsmokers can basically put out a cover of the “Wheels On The Bus” or some other dumb shit, and you can bet your ass I’m playing that song. You know what artists I don’t listen to, though (or should I say used to not listen to)? Douchebags like Aaron Carter. Seriously, look at this fucking guy.
If it were at all possible to punch somebody through a computer screen I’d definitely punch Aaron Carter. For some reason it just absolutely pisses me off to see a guy who’s 29-years old walk around dressed up like he’s a 21-year old version of Justin Bieber. From the undercut hairstyle, to the neck tats, to the goofy-ass squint pose at the camera, this guy is so goddamn annoying. He’s like the off brand version of Lucky Charms you get at the discount supermarket. Just absolutely AWFUL.
So about two months ago I noticed the name Aaron Carter come across the “New Music Friday” playlist. There was absolutely no chance in hell I was listening to that bullshit. My first thought was how in the hell did this loser get back in the spotlight. All I could remember was how bad I hated this guy’s music when I was like 10-years old. The hatred goes way back. 10-year old me would’ve rather been deaf than listen to any of Aaron Carter’s bullshit. I think I still have nightmares from the times my younger cousin listened to the “Aaron’s Party” album on loop.
Anyways, I probably haven’t heard this guy even sing a lyric since I was like 12. So a few days ago I’m blogging away with one of the Spotify pop playlists going on in the background. As I’m sitting there typing away like the
hard worker I am, a song I’ve never heard before caught my attention. It was a tropical house-infused song with smooth vocals and sick ass production. So good that I had to immediately check and see who the artist was. And I bet you can guess who that was. AARON FUCKING CARTER. It was at that very moment I think I died a little bit. I’m not really sure how to go on with my life as I sit here admitting this. Do I come out of the closet now, or do I just blindly live the rest of my life knowing that I really like an Aaron Carter song? It’s a tough reality to accept. Hopefully it doesn’t have the same effect on you if you’re, too, a somewhat normal heterosexual male in his twenties.