Before I give my take on the latest incident involving the NHL’s newest “bad boy,” here are some laugh out loud funny quotes from Senators’ owner Eugene Melnyk (via Sportsnet Canada):

“You do anything that’s almost a certain injury and I think the only way to do it is you wipe the guy off the map for not one or two games, (but) 10. How about a season for a few of these guys? Really. He takes my guy, I take your guy. That’s my attitude,” Melnyk told Ottawa’s TSN 1200.

“We all know who he is and the guy is just a whiner beyond belief,” Melnyk said. “You do this kind of stuff — I don’t care who you are in the league, I don’t care if you’re the No. 1 player in the league — you should sit out a long time for this kind of crap. I really do.”

“The guy that creates the injury should be sitting out. They should watch the games together for the rest of the season. That’s the kind of attitude I have. There’s no room for that,” Melnyk added. “I see the things behind the scenes of what happens from slashes and they’re ugly. They’re just as ugly as Marc’s. But Marc’s was so visible, it was a terrifying thing to look at those pictures. I don’t even want to think about it, it was that disgusting.

“So that’s the only way to do it. You hammer these guys. You take away their money, because they all understand money and you simply say, ‘You’re done for 10 games,’ and guess what, you guys are not going to get anywhere close to the Stanley Cup if it’s an elite player on the other side. There’s no room for it in the NHL.”

Here’s the video of the incident:

And here’s the aftermath of Marc Methot’s new nub:

Call me a homer, but this slash was nothing compared to Crosby’s spear to O’Reilly’s dick the other day. I’ve seen a million of these types of slashes in my lifetime, and this is literally the first time I’ve ever seen a guy’s finger explode. The type of slash Sid delivered last night is made in every single hockey game ever played. So I’d say your odds of getting struck by lightning in the dick are probably greater than the outcome of getting your finger chopped off by an average hockey slash.

That’s why these quotes from Melnyk are completely preposterous. Saying guys like Sid should be suspended for the rest of the season for slashes like this one is the most Senators’ thing I’ve ever heard. They’re an irrelevant hockey franchise that cries wolf any time something doesn’t go there way. Boo hoo. The Penguins have like half of their lineup out, but you don’t hear them whining about it.

This is funny, too, because it’s clear as day Melnyk doesn’t know shit about Crosby. People that continue to call Sidney Crosby a whiner in his 11th NHL season have either stopped watching him play or just suck at insults. Sid hasn’t whined in years like he did in his first few seasons. And the whole Sid’s a whiner thing is simply played out. If I’ve learned anything relevant in my 26 years of life, it’s that if you’re going to insult someone a. it better be original, and b. you try and hammer it deep. Calling Sid a whiner 11 years after the fact is just being lazy. Sad!

Also, to say Sidney Crosby would learn a lesson if money was taken away from him is maybe the funniest quote by Melnyk. First off, as mentioned before, this was a very average slash so it’s ridiculous to think he’d be suspended. Second, as anyone that’s ever followed Sidney Crosby’s career can attest, the man is driven by one thing. And that’s winning hockey games. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a fuck about money. For being the best player in the world, he isn’t even the highest paid hockey player on his own team.

God, I can only hope the Pens meet this team again in the playoffs just for the sole purpose of Sid taking over the rest of the real estate left over in Melnyk’s brain.