While Sidney Crosby haters throughout the world (or to be more precise, throughout Philly and DC) are foaming at the mouth for the NHL’s Department of Player Safety to crackdown on Sid for playing “dirty pool” last night with Sabres’ forward Ryan O’Reilly’s balls, let me be the first to break the news: Sidney Crosby will not be suspended.

Do I know this for sure? Absolutely fucking not.

Do I know that this is what’s going to happen, though? Absolutely fucking yes.

This type of stuff happens in almost every single NHL game. It still doesn’t make up for the fact that it’s a complete dirtbag move to intentionally hit another man in the balls with your stick, but it’s far from uncommon. If this is any other average player, we might recognize the spear, talk about how dirty of a player the guy is, then forget about it 30 seconds later. But not when it’s Sidney Crosby! Any time the man takes a shit, there’s a news headline. However, Crosby did receive retribution later in the game in the form of a tooth shattering high stick to the mouth courtesy of Evander Kane.

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Now, to the goal (which is NSFW, by the way).

If there are two recurring themes going on with the Penguins right now, it’s the fact that they continue spearing their opponents in the balls (both intentionally and unintentionally), and the fact that they are performing like a complete juggernaut even with almost half of their team sidelined with injuries. Also, to much of no one’s surprise, Sidney Crosby is setting the tone offensively.

If it wasn’t for Sidney Crosby being a little ornery last night, everybody today would be blowing him for this jaw-dropping goal last night.

The insane part about this goal is the fact that this probably doesn’t even rank in the top-5 of Sid’s greatest goals. And as for anyone that’s ever laced up skates before in their life can attest, it’s basically hard enough to skate without falling. Let alone, skate through a gauntlet of other professional hockey players while simultaneously backhanding a puck behind a goalie with ONE FUCKING HAND on your stick. Honestly, one of the most mind-boggling feats I’ve ever witnessed in hockey, and Sid made it look routine.

P.S. – One more tidbit that I’d be ashamed to forget. You can now tally the Penguins’ consecutive playoff berth streak at 11 years. I can’t believe I actually just typed that considering everyone in Pittsburgh thought the Penguins were moving to Kansas City back in 2007. We, Yinzers, have been spoiled beyond belief with this franchise.

Wow. Literally a little over 10 years to the exact day of this announcement. Never forget.