ESPN – In the past year, Tom Brady has put his name on workout equipment, a cookbook and bags of nuts. Now he’s entering the prepared-meal subscription business.

Plant-based meal company Purple Carrot of Massachusetts announced Tuesday a partnership with the New England Patriots quarterback, unveiling a line of TB12 meals that follow Brady’s rigid diet.

Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

The company began selling the meals Tuesday morning at $78 per week (six meals), which is a $10 premium over the company’s regular meal plan.

Brady’s meals will differ from what Purple Carrot normally sells in that they will, per Brady’s stipulations, be higher-protein, gluten-free and limited in soy and refined sugar. None of the meals will contain recipes with dairy, eggs, seafood, meat or processed foods.

“Eating meals just like the ones we’ll send out to our customers has really helped me stay at the top of my game,” Brady said in a statement.

Sample meals include a ramen bowl with charred broccolini and gingered amaranth, and crispy turnip cakes with quinoa tabbouleh and za’atar yogurt.

“There’s an importance in authenticity here,” Purple Carrot founder and CEO Andy Levitt said. “Every meal that is designed is approved by Tom and his team, and Tom will get a box of meals to his home that is exactly what the people who order his meals get.”

Purple Carrot has adopted the phrase “Eat Like A Goat,” a double meaning that references a goat’s plant-based diet and the acronym to greatest of all time.

Brady’s endorsement could be a huge boost to the brand competing in the crowded meal-kit space, which is currently a $2 billion market but is predicted to rise to more than $30 billion over the next eight years, according to Levitt.

“Roughly 75 percent of those that order with us are female,” Levitt said. “We think having Tom will make it more likely that we’ll get some more men subscribing because they feel that connection to him. That being said, there’s a lot of women out there that want their significant other to be like Tom, too.”


Okay, so Purple Carrot is neglecting to point out one critical aspect of Tom Brady’s diet here. Tom Brady is not a motherfucking a vegan! Like any good blogger (okay, that’s highly questionable) that’s done his research, I know for a fact that Tom Brady eats meat. Brady’s personal chef answered questions about his diet in length last year in very extensive interview. And, *NEWS FLASH*, cow is on the menu!

Here’s evidence via Boston.com:

7. How different are Tom’s meals before games compared to what he normally eats?

Campbell: I always have it in mind, if [Tom] has a game—but it’s never dictating what I would cook. It’s really not different. The only real difference [in terms of the kinds of things I cook] is seasonal. In the wintertime, it’s going to be more red meat and more soups and root vegetables. And in the summer, they eat lighter, so I’ll make raw lasagna and more salads.

8. Do you do the grocery shopping? Where do you shop?

Campbell: I do all the shopping. In a perfect world, I would go to only farmers’ markets. But I do a lot of shopping at Whole Foods, too. And I buy meats at The Butcher Shop in the South End—Barbara Lynch’s place. And Siena Farms. I live in SOWA, so I hit those guys at the farmers’ market on Sunday.

So don’t give me this bag of bullshit that Tom Brady only eats a plant-based diet. I already have a few beefs (no pun intended) with vegans like this Purple Carrot company to begin with. For starters, you do not get enough essential macro/micro nutrients from eating a plant-based diet alone. It’s a scientific fact that plants do not have the same amino acid profiles of organic lean meats and fishes. So you vegans can enjoy stuffing 50,000 almonds down your pie whole (you’re actually getting more fat than protein anyways) while I eat a big, fat juicy ribeye right in your face.

Second, vegans are just flat out annoying human beings. As the old adage goes, “How can you tell if someone’s a vegan? Don’t worry they’ll tell you.” This joke is 1,000% accurate. These people are WAY worse than crossfitters. Trust me, I know. Vegans are the type of people that act like they’ve discovered a diet that can prevent every disease known to man, and they try to shove it down your face every opportunity they get. Sure, eating vegetables is good for you and all, but A. most taste like shit and B. there are LOTS of other factors that cause diseases (i.e. genetics, environment, and, you know, not getting enough adequate nutrients).

Finally, don’t lie to me and tell me to eat like a goat. First off, fuck actual goats. I don’t care about how some dumb farm animal eats. Second, I’ve already disposed this myth that Brady’s a vegan. You give me one athlete that eats predominantly veggies like Tom, and I’ll give you thousands of other athletes that eat cows, chickens, and fish that are way more physically gifted than Tom. Tom Brady is like the most pampered quarterback in the history of football. He can throw a football around and outsmart defenses, but that’s basically it. His longevity has more to do with the fact that he doesn’t take hits than the fact that he eats like a bird.

So on behalf of myself and the rest of my meat eating friends, I’d like to kindly ask you (Purple Carrot and the rest of vegans) to do the following: Go screw yourselves!

P.S. – Any guys out there that purchase these meal plans solely because of Tom Brady can hand over their man cards right now.