Today, I was coming back to my building at work after picking up some lunch. When I entered the elevator door to go up to my office floor, there were two guys that followed behind me. Naturally, I did what any normal person would’ve done in my situation – I walked in, hit the button for my floor, and walk to one of the back corners since I knew others were coming on board. The first guy behind me did the same exact thing and walked to the opposite corner of the elevator after hitting the button for his floor. The third guy, however, committed a MASSIVE elevator code violation.

As I was casually standing there holding my lunch with my left hand and phone in my right, guy #3 waltzes right in and says, “42, please.” This caught me off guard initially. I just assumed this guy was holding a bunch of shit in his hands. So without looking, I took two steps forward to hit the button for the 42nd for this guy with my right hand (which I was holding my phone with, mind you). When I turned around, I noticed this goofy ass motherfucker (most likely younger than me) standing where I just moved from with empty hands and a stupid visitor’s sticker on his jacket. I’m pretty sure I did like three double takes before I realized what had just happened. Did this motherfucker really just have me hit his elevator button for him when he clearly could’ve done so himself?! Then, he just takes my spot in the corner?! My initial instinct was to hit this moron with a classic insult similar to something my dad would’ve said to me: “Your arms broken?” But I pussed out. In the back of my head, I saw myself getting into a physical altercation with this kid because I was that pissed off. In hindsight, it was most likely the safe play to keep my mouth shut considering I was heading into a professional office environment in like 10 seconds. Things could’ve gotten ugly real fast.

That brings me back to this concept of asking others to hit elevator buttons for you in the first place. The only people that are allowed to do this are elderly people, handicapped people, people that are carrying things in both of their hands, people that physically can’t reach the buttons because somebody is blocking all of the buttons, and smokeshows. If you don’t fit under any of those descriptions then it’s your obligation to hit the buttons yourself. Nobody else is your fucking servant. That’s elevator code 101. If you think otherwise, you should be forced to ride elevators with people that just finished eating Chipotle for eternity. Because fuck you, you elitist button requesting asshole.