I write this today as I’ve been struck with the dreaded flu (or maybe just a stomach bug, I have no idea). I’m talking the runs, breaking fevers in what seems like every 15 minutes, and overall feeling like a giant piece of dog shit. I’m not a Fitbit guy, but if I were, I’d probably have like 30 steps in today and it’s almost 5:00. Every time I get up I feel like I’m going to pass out. I literally can’t remember the last time I had the flu. I also can’t remember how fucking horrible it is to have the flu. Give me sinus infections all day. This flu shit is the worst. I keep thinking I’m going to die, then I come to my senses and realize I’m just being a giant pussy.
I have to say I’m pretty fortunate that I haven’t had to deal with many cases of the flu during my lifetime. However, now that I have a niece and nephew running around, it seems like I’m getting some strand of the plague basically every other month. The babies get sick, then my sisters and brother-in-laws get sick, then my parents get sick, then I come home for a nice family dinner and BAM! I get sick. I can’t win. It’s like motherfucking Groundhog Day. Every other week someone in the family has something nasty going on. All because these damn babies can’t keep their fingers out of their mouths. Have some decency, babies! Don’t you know we have jobs and bills to pay?! So selfish!
The only two good things that came out of today are the fact that I got to call off sick from work, and the fact that I have chicken broth in the freezer from my mom. Normally, on a day off, I’d be eager to blog my brains out, but my brain function feels like it’s at an all-time low. I’ve either been sleeping or thinking about sleeping all day. However, I did get my lazy ass off the couch at one point today – that being to thaw the chicken broth that was in the freezer. It felt like an eternity while I waited for that glorious concoction of liquidy goodness to thaw. Literally, nothing else could’ve got me off the couch today besides chicken broth. Not even a super model that was begging me to plow her.
I have no idea why, but chicken broth brings me back to life after feeling like I’m staring down the Grim Reaper. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m alive again when my immune system poops out. In fact, I’m not sure why it’s not a banned substance yet in every major sports league. It 1,000% gives you a competitive advantage. Screw HGH. If I was a professional athlete, I’d drink chicken broth all day long. If this stuff can make me feel better after being struck with the flu, imagine what it does for you when you’re healthy. I think I may have something here.