Sidney Crosby is just two points away from becoming the 86th player in NHL history to record 1,000 career points. And it’s pretty safe to say he’ll surpass that milestone before the first period is over tomorrow night against the dogshit Arizona Coyotes.

Now, I can guarantee you there are going to be a lot of idiots in the Washington D.C. area this weekend that will come down with a bad case of diarrhea mouth before or after Sid tallies these two points. These people are going to say something completely asinine along the lines of “Well, Ovi reached 1,000 points first so that makes him better than Cindy Crosby!” Then, they might follow that statement up with something even more brainless like, “This is our year!”

And to those morons I’ll say: “LIES!”

The funny thing with Caps fans is that Sidney Crosby walks around with two Stanley Cup rings and two Olympic gold medals, yet that fact doesn’t even enter their brains when they argue about how Ovechkin is a better hockey player than Crosby. They specifically look at Ovechkin’s goal scoring ability and come to the conclusion that Sid’s inferior. Classic bro science. And I don’t even want to get into the fact that Crosby currently leads the league in goals this year. What these dumbasses don’t realize, though, is that Sidney Crosby has accomplished more personal achievements in his career than Alex Ovechkin, yet he doesn’t give a single FUCK about his own achievements. Sid ONLY cares about winning – you know, that thing the Caps seem to be so good at during the regular season. 

Going back to the inevitable arguments that are going to be spewed by Caps fans this weekend, let’s take a quick look at Crosby and Ovechkin’s career points totals. Yes, Ovechkin has 1,016 total career points and currently has more points than Crosby (998) up to this point in his career. Yes, Ovechkin and Crosby have both played in the NHL since the start of the 2005 regular season. But no. Actually FUCK NO. This does not mean that he is superior to Crosby. Caps fans neglect to realize that Alex Ovechkin has played 140 more games (i.e. almost two full regular seasons!) than Sidney Crosby in his career. So next time you Neanderthals from D.C. chirp about Ovechkin being the king of the hockey world, just remember that Sidney Crosby’s 1.32 PPG beats the hell out of Alex Ovechkin’s 1.14 PPG any day of the week. And oh yeah, did I mention Sid also has two more Stanley Cup rings and two more Olympic gold medals than Ovi. 


At least you have your Presidents’ Trophies, Caps fans!