I’ve literally been scanning the internet lately like a madman looking for anything remotely entertaining concerning the Pirates. And I can’t find shit.  Not even a minor bullshit free agent signing. Not even a meaningless trade rumor. Not even a simple butt tweet from one of the players. I’m starting to get impatient. How in the hell is one supposed to run a blog on Pittsburgh sports when there isn’t any Bucco news (other than writing a Pirate blog post complaining about how there ins’t any news to report)? I know it’s only February 1st and we’re still over a month away from spring training, but can I at least get an Instagram video of Andrew McCutchen using shitty form in the gym like Bryce Harper? God, these other bloggers out there have it easy! Or maybe I’m just a shitty blogger that doesn’t know what the fuck am I doing? That, very well, could be the case. After all, I am new to the game. I’m still knocking off my bloggin’ dust.

Maybe there is some sort of relevant Pirates news other bloggers are tackling that I’m missing. But you what I do know – nobody wants to read about how pitchers and catchers are going to be reporting to spring training in two weeks. That shit doesn’t generate the page views. People want to hear how fucking pissed off Andrew McCutchen is after an embarrassing offseason of trade rumors. People want to read about how stupid Jung Ho Kang is for getting like his 34th DUI. And people want to find out what Bob Nutting will do next to fuck up the Pirates chances of ever contending again.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you will not get unentertaining blog posts out of me when it comes to the Pirates. Or anything else for that matter on Barstool Pittsburgh! I’m going to give provide you with stories you want to read, videos you want to see, and original content that you need! You’re going to fucking love it.

*Comes back to reality for a second.*

Please, oh dear Lord, give me some decent material to use or it’s back to the perpetual hell that is the office desk job.

Update: As soon as I hit publish on this blog post I find out Josh Bell is uncertain for Opening Day after undergoing knee surgery. Fuck me.