E! News – Colton Underwood took a chance, and boy did it pay off.

The Oakland Raiders tight end made his red carpet debut with his leading lady, two-time Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman, just months after asking her out on a date.

The happy couple attended the Sports Illustrated Sportsperson of the Year Ceremony 2016, which was held at Barclays Center, and appeared to be as happy as ever by one another’s side.

After Underwood famously (and publicly) asked Raisman on a date after the MTV VMAs this past August, it seems as though fate had a little hand in getting these two athletes together.

“We happened to be both in Denver at the same time,” she explained to People. “I was there for less than 12 hours, he was flying in for just a few days. It just ended up working perfectly.”

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Okay, so this story isn’t exactly breaking news considering word broke about Aly Raisman’s relationship back in mid-December. But this bullshit is eating me alive. I’m not really quite sure how people can categorize this buffoon as an NFL player when the guy has literally NEVER played a single snap in a regular season NFL game. If you don’t believe me, check out this dude’s Wikipedia page. This has to be one of the funniest/saddest professional career timelines I’ve ever seen for an “NFL athlete” (via Wikipedia):

Professional career[edit]

San Diego Chargers[edit]

On May 10, 2014, Underwood was signed as an undrafted free agent by the San Diego Chargers. On August 30, 2014, he was waived.

Philadelphia Eagles[edit]

On September 3, 2014, Underwood was signed to the Philadelphia Eagles‘ practice squad. On September 9, 2014, he was released from practice squad.

San Diego Chargers (second stint)[edit]

On September 23, 2014, Underwood returned to the Chargers and was signed to the their practice squad. On December 29, 2014, he was signed a future contract. On September 5, 2015, he was waived. On September 6, 2015, he was placed on injured reserve. On September 10, 2015, he was waived from injured reserve.

Oakland Raiders[edit]

On December 1, 2015, Underwood was signed to the Raiders’ practice squad. On August 29, 2016, he was released by the Raiders.[1]

Attention all you gossip news outlets out there: let’s pump the fucking breaks just a little bit when you’re referring to Aly Raisman and her scrub athlete of a boyfriend. I have friends from high school that have literally gone 3/4 of the way through training camp with NFL teams only to get cut. They just weren’t good enough to make the 52 man roster. You know what I consider them? NFL Tryouts. That’s what this loser is. Only he needs to give up the dream and start slinging used cars just like every other failed NFL Tryout.

So maybe I sound like a jealous little bitch considering this dude is dating Aly Raisman (which I am). But come on, Aly! You’re better than this. You’re beautiful, you have six Olympic medals, a flourishing career (which this dude clearly does not), and tons of money from endorsements. Do you really want to wear the pants in a relationship? I’m pretty sure you could snag an A-list celebrity in a heartbeat if you wanted! Or even a better football player that earns a steady paycheck that’s worth more than five figures! Like are you really dating a dude that takes Instagram pictures like this?

With my guy!

A post shared by Colton Underwood (@colt3five) on

Whadda a fucking tool and a half. Have fun changing your last name to Raisman if you ever marry her, Colton.

Again, you’re so much better than this, Aly. On a side note, if you’re ever interested in bumping up your standards a smidge, I know a guy that doesn’t play in the NFL, yet he’s still in decent shape, and he definitely probably makes more dough than Colton. And if you’re also cool with that same guy not having the ability to eat a single meal without getting shit all over his outfit, sweats like a pig, and writes jealous hate blogs on the side, then you’re in luck!